Filipina Asawa|Philippine Wife

Posts Tagged ‘marrying a filipina’

Those of you who are already involved with a Filipina can read this if you wish, I am sure there will be a lot of nodding heads. As for those readers new to the joys of cross cultural relationships with Filipinas… read on!

When a Filipina is angry, upset or wants to punish someone she loves, she doesn’t fly into a rage or start a verbal row. That would cause her to lose Hiya, or face. Instead, she begins a period of silence known as ‘tampo’.

Tampo is very effective, at least as far as a Filipina is concerned. To her, being ignored and not spoken to is one of the worst punishments she can think of. A bit like secular excommunication. Filipinos are very gregarious, they love doing things in groups and this is a good thing given there are so many of them. They even control each other through teasing, especially sibling groups and ‘barkada’s’, peer groups of close friends, often for life.

Getting a job done well, on time or to a proper standard is not as important to Filipinos as getting it done in a way that everyone in the group feels good about it. We see this as incompetence in many cases, they see it as group harmony, or ‘pakikisama’ and it is a core value to them.

So to be excluded from the group, even by one person, is a harsh sentence to serve. Other people will realise the tampo is not directed at them and will actually side, albeit often subconsciously, with the tampoer, and not the tampoee. If she were to yell and scream then she would lose Hiya and the support of her group because she is affecting the pakikisama. Everybody would feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, not just the person being yelled at.

This is why you should never raise your voice or show your frustration with Filipinos. No matter how much you may be in the right, this will firmly put you in the wrong with anyone in earshot. The correct way to deal with incompetence is to expect it and ignore it, but more on that in another article.

Similarly, when you are being tampoed, ignore it. At least as far as doing anything overt. Acknowledge there is tampo afoot and consider the reason why. What have you done or not done to deserve this silent treatment? Remember, you do deserve it, you are in the wrong, you will always be in the wrong. Once you accept that you can get on with doing some important tasks like reading, having a beer or whatever takes your fancy that doesn’t involve her. Give her space. Don’t be surprised if she leaves you and goes to her parent’s or a relative’s house for a day or two. It is all part of tampo.

Once the dust settles and you have shown humility through not reacting (and acknowledging your guilt of course), it is time to make up. If she has gone to Mama’s house or back to her province, then go there and show the world you were wrong and are sorry by chasing after her.

If she is still at home, you must show how contrite and sorry you are by paying her lots of attention and continuing to do so, even if she shrugs off your attempts to make up. Persist and she will begin to soften and then all of a sudden she will be the wonderful, loving and beautiful Filipina you fell in love with.

Remember:

1. It is ALWAYS your fault.

2. Don’t try to reason with her, this has nothing to do with logic.

3. Once she has tampoed you long enough, begin showing remorse.

4. Do not try to understand this, it is simply the way it is.

More Tampo advice later.